Re: Me and Yoda c:

[ofmiceandbrynne]

When he opened the door, I lost it. I couldn't look at him and know that I couldn't have him. I wanted him so badly, but dammit, I was getting married in two days. I had a dress, Cameron had a suit, we had sent out invitations. Everything was ready. I couldn't cancel now, it was just too late. I had to spend the time I had left with Christian, because after that, Cameron and I would be honeymooning and I'd never see Christian after that. I still couldn't bear the fact that every time I kissed Cameron, when I said 'I do' to him...it should've been Christian up. I managed to mess things up a lot of the time, but I'd never managed to get myself in this deep. This time, I'd really messed something else, and even worse, there was no way I could fix it.

"Christian." I said breathlessly, putting my arms around his neck. "I'm in love with you, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now." I blinked, a worried expression overtaking my face. I stood on my tiptoes, kissing him and tangling my fingers in his dark hair. "I can't marry Cameron. I can't do it. I love you. You're the one I should be marrying." I buried my face in his chest, crying softly. God, I'd messed things up so bad, and there was no way I could ever fix it. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Christian, not Cameron. When I woke up in the morning, I wanted to see Christian. Alesana should've been his daughter. Chrisitan was the only person I wanted, the only person I'd ever truly felt like this about. I couldn't leave Alesana though, I couldn't leave my daughter. That wasn't fair. I couldn't have her grow up with Cameron, him telling her that I'd left him when she was just a baby. I couldn't let Alesana grow up despising me. But I couldn't grow up despising myself, either, wishing I would've done something that I hadn't.

"Christian," I cried, holding him close to me. "You're the one I love. I love you more than anything in the world. When I left you that day so long ago?" I looked up at him, wiping a tear away with my thumb. "I thought I'd be fine, but honestly, since that day, the only thing I could think about was you. That's all I've been thinking about ever since. I don't know how I ever left you, I don't know why I ever did. I can't even remember why I did, whether it was a stupid fight or I was just being stupid. But once I started dating Cameron, I thought it was going to be okay, I thought everything was going to alright. And I thought I was happy, but I was lying. To myself." I took a deep breath. "And when I found out I was pregnant with Alesana, fuck, I felt like everything was just falling into place. And I was going to be okay. But when I saw you in that coffeeshop...I knew I wasn't happy. I knew I wasn't going to be happy. I need you." I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips against his, moaning softly to myself.

I pulled away, looking up at him. "But...I'm getting married in a week, and there's nothing I can do to stop that. Fuck, what are we going to do?" I asked, shaking my head and laughing dryly.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Looking down at Storm, Christian bit his lip and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Storm, I honestly have no fucking idea how we're going to do this." He said with a little laugh. "Honestly, it would have been so much easier if you loved Cameron. I mean, look at the life you had going for you. You have a beautiful daughter, she's just like her mother like that.." He said with a little smile as he kissed he. "You have a loving husband. You have no idea how jealous I am of him that he's the the one that gets to fall asleep next to you at night or he's the one who gets to say I love you and kiss you without it being wrong, I hate him, but, you know what? He is so much better for you than I ever was, or will be. But the truth is.."

Christian leaned down, cupping her face in his hands. "I. Can't. Live. Without. You. I just love you way to much to let you go this time. When you left me...Storm, I'm not going to lie, I fucking cried. Because you were the best thing that ever happened in my life. You are the best person I ever met. You are beautiful, funny, amazing. Just, the way you can take my breath away.....no one has ever done that to me before. I've never felt what I have with you. Having sex with all those other girls, just, Inever thought that I would ever feel something like this. I Just, I love you way to much to let you go."

He was silent for a minute before he said, "I have an idea." A little smirk curled over his lips and he took Storm's hand as he lead he over to the couch. "One, we can take Alesana and run away but I have a feeling Cameron would be the kind of prick that would freak out about it and file a lawsuit about it or, have you ever heard of when someone says that you shouldn't get married, you don't? Like at your wedding, someone opposes and the church automatically won't let you get married?" He bit his lip and shook his head.

"Okay, I probably sound stupid, but Storm we don't have any other options and we can't just keep doing this secretly. He'll find out, storm and he won't be happy about it. We have to. Just go home and pretend like everything's okay, tell him...you...love him and just act like nothing's wrong. I promise you that by the end of your wedding day, you'll be right here in my arms.." Christian bit his lip and looked down, taking Storm's hands in his, "I just, I promise you that at the end of the day, you'll be in my arms and not his."

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I looked up at Nella, letting go of her hands. "Nella...I never realized I did that to you." I chewed on my lip, looking down. "Maybe...maybe it would be better if I left. I mean...if I really put that much pressure and stress on you, it's probably best if I'm not around for a while. I can take Maria and we can go live with Storm or something, I'm sure she wouldn't care. I mean, I'm sure she would, but...I dunno." I scratched the back of my head, sighing. So, technically, Nella was saying that I was part of the reason she had overdosed. And that sucked, knowing that the one girl I loved the most had wanted to kill herself because of me. It fucking hurt to know that she had sliced open her own fucking skin because of me. She always told me she never wanted me to leave, but honestly, now I thought it might be better if I actually did. Not to hurt her, but for the sake of her own happiness.

"Nella, since you get pissed when I don't tell you things, the doctors want to put you on medication for your depression, and also a weekly therapist. They said it might do good for you, they're going to make you feel better." I looked up at her. "And after what you said, I'm thinking that maybe it'd be best for all of us if I went to live with somebody else for a while. I can't live with myself knowing that you could've been dead right now, and it was all because of me." I looked down at Maria, who was sleeping peacefully. A doctor came in and informed me that visiting hours were over, and I reluctantly stood up. "I guess I'll just leave now, I'm not sure if I'll be back tomorrow...I'll see you." I hesitantly bent down to kiss her, but at the last second I decided against it. I chewed my lip. "Bye."

I left the hospital, carrying Maria's carseat and catching a bus back home. Once I got back, I sat on the couch, going upstairs and putting Maria in her crib. Chances were she'd wake up in a few minutes, but I just needed some time to think. I went into the bathroom, grabbing all of the empty pill bottles and throwing all of them away. That was the only way I could forget about it. I wiped up the water that had gotten on the floor in the EMTs' haste to get Nella to the hospital. I went over to the bathtub, pulling the drain and letting the water slowly drain the tub. I picked up Nella's razors, throwing them away. I took all of the pills out of the house. I couldn't have her try this again. Honestly, I couldn't tell if I loved her as much as I used to. She wasn't the same, peppy, happy girl she used to be. I couldn't believe I really put that much pressure on her...and like I had said...maybe, it would be better if I did just leave.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Nella stared out the door and watch Zack, her husband, the father of her child, the love of her life, and one of the biggest pains ever, walk out. Probably out of her life for what she just said to her. And honestly? Nella didn't blame him, she wanted him to stay away from her. Maybe he would actually find someone worth while. Someone that wouldn't make him worry or keep him from the things he loved. She would make him smile, not make him cry and she sure as hell wouldn't end up in a hospital room like this.

She would be perfect, perfect for him and he would be perfect for her. Nella always knew, in the back of her mind that it would come down to this. She just didn't know when. Weather he left because he wanted too, or he left because she told him too, either way he was leaving her and Nella should have seen it coming.

"I'm sorry.."

She whispered, as the door closed behind him.

"I'm sorry."

Ten minutes later, a doctor came in, a small cup of pills he held in his hand. "Mrs. Dickinson, we think it'd be best for you to take these...to make you feel better." Handing them to he, Nella shook her head, "I don't want them." The doctor furrowed his brow and called in the other nurses, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Dickinson. But you have to take them, it's for your own good." The nurses held her down and the pills were shoved down her throat.

And that's how it went, for a week or two. Honestly Nella lost track. She didn't care, she didn't have anything to wake up to or for the next day. There was nothing for her. That night in the bathtub had killed her, maybe not physically, but emotionally, she was dead.

Like he promised, Zack hadn't came back. No one brought in Maria to see her either, probably because they thought she was a psychopath, but it was just like Nella predicted, no one had cared. No one wanted to know how she was doing or if she was okay, because, they didn't care.

A week later, Nella was released from the hospital with strict orders to come back from therapy and take her medicine. Nella had agreed, but it wasn't like she was going to listen to them. Honestly, she didn't have any reason to get better. Nella had given up on herself the moment she took those pills that night. And if not for herself, then who? Zack had given up, god, he was fucked loving someone so broken. Nella felt so guilty for it. And Maria..Maria was only a baby.

Nella took a cab home, staring out he window, not saying a word since she left the hospital, the driver looked at her with sorrowful eyes, wondering what happened to her in there. Lost a baby, depression, lost someone special. Little did anyone know, all of those had applied to her. All of them.

It had been almost a month since she'd seen Zack, a month since she'd seen Maria, Nella wouldn't have even been surprised if they had already forgotten about her, or they moved out and wouldn't be home when she got there. That Zack thought she was too dangerous and to unstable for her to take care of a baby, nonetheless herself.

Walking up to their front door, Nella tried the knob. For once in her whole life of living in this house/going to this house, it was locked. Again, nothing really surprising. Grabbing the key from under the mat, Nella unlocked the door and pushed it open with a sigh.

There, on the couch was Zack, he looked at her, kind of surprised that she actually came back to this house, probably to get a few things, though. "I'm back." She said, simply, closing the door behind her and dropping a bag at her feet. "Got my meds and my therapy dates just liked you asked." Nella took the pills out of her pocket and placed them on the table in front of him.

"Where's Maria?" She asked, climbing the stairs. "How's she been doing? I haven't seen her in a while.."Nella sighed, opening the door to Maria's yellow room and looking in, expecting to hear a stiring or a cry or two, but, nothing. Walking in closer, Nella looked in her crib and closed her eyes, "Zack..where's my baby?" She called, getting a little angry.

Storming out of the room, she walked down the stair sand stood in front of him, "You can't take my baby away from me too. You can't. I might have lost you, I might have lost my family and my friends and fuck even my life but you can't take my baby away from me too, where is she?" She asked, tears already starting to build up in her eyes.

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I closed my eyes and yelped as my friend tightened my dress. "You're squishing my boobs." I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut even more and leaning against the wall. She told me to quit whining and there was only one left until she was done, so I cooperated. With one final pull, she laced the elaborate dress shut. It was a white dress that swept past my knees and stopped about mid-thigh. It was laced quite tightly around my torso, making me to appear to be a lot skinnier than I actually was. It was strapless, and showed a bit of skin between the laces in the back. It was white as snow, and I wore a pair of white flats on my feet. My lightly pink toenails peeked out of the shoes. My bright pink hair was pulled into a long ponytail, and my friend, Pandora, was finishing up with my makeup.

"There! Done!" She called out with pride. I turned, looking into the mirror and smiling lightly. She could tell that I loved it just by that little smile, and honestly, she had done a pretty decent job with it. My friends came into the room, their mouths dropping open.

"Storm, you look flawless." My friend gushed, running her fingers across the soft silk of my dress. I looked down, smiling and giving her a word of thanks. Honestly, my friends had put a lot of work into my appearance for Cameron. Too bad I wouldn't be marrying him today, or any other day for that matter. Well, if everything worked out, that is. I felt bad, after all the money Cameron and I had put into this wedding...but I loved Christian, and I couldn't imagine life without him now that he had been brought back into mine.

Suddenly, the music began and the doors opened. My heart stopped. Everybody was turned towards me, looking at me, watching, waiting. Since neither of my parents had been close with me, or told that I was even getting married, I had to walk down the aisle by myself. It didn't really bother me, but many people questioned why I was. I ignored them, looking down at my feet, walking up to the front. God, it seemed like an eternity. Finally, I reached the front, and Cameron took my hands. He smiled at me and whispered, "You look gorgeous." In the front row, Cameron's family stared up at us, beaming. Cameron's mother gently rocked Alesana in her adorable pink dress as she cooed. I couldn't imagine not being able to see her after today. But...I knew it had to be done if I wanted Christian. Next to her sat Maria in her tiny carrier, asleep. Zack had dropped her off yesterday with nothing other than telling us that he really needed my help right now, and we reluctantly agreed to take care of her as well. It would suck having to let go of Alesana, but if I really wanted Christian, it was what had to be done. And I did want Christian. I didn't just want him...I needed him.

The priest began talking, and it sucked, because he was extremely old and talked extremely slow. I tuned him out until he began talking about stuff that seemed important, and Cameron poked his head up too, making the same realization that I had just made. Suddenly, the priest looked up at the adoring families.

"Before I begin with the final vows, are there any objections to this marriage?" My heart pounded, every second feeling like hours.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Christian looked in the mirror, god, he really hated getting dressed up. But if you're going to crash a wedding, you gotta at least look good. After all, Storm couldn't just be running off with a guy that looked like he just got out of bed. Cameron would feel to good about himself, well, not really, because his bride would be running off with him. Christian smiled to himself and ran one last quick straighten through his hair, thinking to himself,

I won. Storm is finally mine, again. She's not Cameron's, she's not his, she'll finally be mine again.

With one last quick smile of satisfaction in the mirror, Christian grabbed his keys and headed out to his car, checking his phone to make sure that he was going to be there on time. "Shit.." He muttered to himself, putting the key in the ignition and flooring it out of his driveway. It was five minutes into the ceremony and the church was almost half and hour away, if he was lucky, he would probably make it in time for the fucking reception. God was he bad with time management.

"I'll be there soon, Storm. Just hold in there. I'll be there soon, I promised." As much as he knew what they were doing was wrong, he wasn't going to leave her standing at that alter with him. Even though he deserved her and he had every right to be marrying her, Christian wasn't going to let her go again. This was is, this was the last shot he'd ever get with her. If he didn't make it in time, she would be his and there was no way Storm would be able to get out of that marriage. There was no way.

As he pulled up to the church parking lot, by the way it was a bitch to get a parking spot there like honestly how many people did they invite?, Christian jumped out of his car, running up to the church doors and hesitating before he opened them. He stood there questioning everything. If he didn't walk in, she would marry Cameron and would be unhappy, but she would eventually come to love him right? If he did walk in right now, Alesana would grow up with separated parents and probably grow up thinking it was her fault and god, Christian had been through that and it wasn't fun.

"Shit, Shit, Shit." He whispered to himself, pacing in front of the church. He probably looked like a mad man, but the only person that mattered was Storm. She was the only one that would ever matter.

Pushing his way through the church doors, he cleared his throat, making sure everyone could hear him.

"I, uh, I object? I object."

Everyone in the church turned around and stared at him, there were murmurs and sneers and you could obviously see no one was happy to see him, well, except for Storm.

Cameron came off the alter, clearly he was pissed off, "Christian." He said, trying to laugh it off, but you could hear the tension in his voice, "What do you think you're doing?" He asked.

Christian ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Cameron, "I'm objecting to your marriage? I thought that was kind of obvious. Listen, I love her, Storm. And she loves me and I'm not just going to let her marry you. I'm not going to let her marry you and be unhappy with her life like that. She doesn't deserve that. Okay? I shouldn't have let her go all those years ago and I shouldn't have and I am so sorry of putting you through this, but, listen, she's mine and she always has been, Okay? And she's coming with me. I don't care what you say, she's coming with me."

[ofmiceandbrynne]

It had been a month and three days since Nella had gone to the hospital, and I hadn't seen her in a month and two days. I'd held my word on saying I wouldn't be back, and I honestly didn't miss her. I didn't miss her yelling at me for lying to her, I didn't miss her having no time for me. I didn't mind staying home by myself, not even with Maria. I'd dropped her off a few weeks ago with Storm and Cameron. Since I could barely take care of her in the state I was in, I decided it was best if I gave her to someone that could take care of her. While I had little emotion, much less any for Nella, I was still a fucking human being. I still knew that if I couldn't take care of her child, I had to at least find someone that could. And so, since Storm was my sister, and she already had a daughter around that age, I figured she'd be better at it than we were.

Someone came in, and my heart started racing. Shit, who had managed to find the key. I mean, it was a pretty dumb hiding spot, but was I being robbed? Oh god, I didn't even have anything to defend myself. I mean, I had knives, but there was no way I could go grab one before the person came in. So, instead of doing anything that could help me defend myself, I sat there and pretended I didn't even notice someone was coming in.

But hearing the voice, I knew exactly who it was. And honestly? I'd rather it be a burglar than who it was.

I nodded towards her, taking the papers and looking over what they had prescribed to her. I smoothed it out. 100mg of Zoloft. That was a lot for a starting dose. Usually, they started people on 50 or even lower. I chewed my lip. Her case had to have been extreme, I guess. I looked over her schedule. They'd put her down for once every week for the next six months. "Damn." I murmured.

Suddenly, she called down the steps. "Calm your tits, Nella. I was too down to take care of her, so I took her over to Storm and Cameron. Since they have Alesana, I figured they'd do a good job with it."

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Nella looked at him, shaking her head. "Great. This is just perfect." She muttered to herself, grabbing her pills off the table. "I'm going upstairs."

Walking upstairs, Nella placed the pills on the nightstand and collapsed on the bed. It smelt like Zack and that made Nella wanted to cry even more. In all honesty, she knew she had lost him. She lost him the day in that hospital room, but, it was for his own good. He deserved so much better than her, he always had. But the truth was, Nella wasn't ready to let him go yet. Looking at him, Nella just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to. But it couldn't, it wouldn't. Nella would never let that happen, after all, after everything she had said to him, Zack wouldn't even want to go back to everything that it used to. He wouldn't want to be put through that again and honestly Nella didn't want to put him through that again, she couldn't.

The the next couple of weeks, Nella and Zack didn't speak except for the occasional hello and goodbye or I'm going to go get some food for dinner. That was it. They didn't talk about how their days were, they didn't talk about Maria. They didn't watch movies or do anything surprising or special. Nothing.

Nella had been going to therapy, talking everything through. Crying over the fact that she lost everything and she had no idea how or if she was ever going to get her life back on track. She told her therapist how she lost her daughter , how she lost her family and Zack. She told her about how her dad had walked out on her and her mother, how he married someone only a couple of years older than her. She talked about Aaron, and all the fights her and Zack had gone through. His reaction when he saw he cutting. And everything. Her therapist soaked it up, writing down things on her notepad and nodding here and then and when Nella stopped talking, she comforted her, gave her a few tissues and gave her kind and wise words and that started making everything make sense. She told her that since her father had walked out on her, Nella didn't fully trust anyone. That anyone would turn their backs on her and that's what she was scared of with Zack, that one day he would walk out on her with no explanation at all. She told her that everything Zack had done with her and everything they had been through, it showed that he truly loved her. That she shouldn't let go and that she should try getting better for him.

After her regular routine session with her therapist, Nella came home one day, with an actual smile on her face. She was so excited to tell Zack about how she thought she was getting better. How excited she was that this therapy was working.

Not finding him in the living room, Nella walked up to their bedroom, smile still on her face. But that all sunk away when she saw Zack. He was packing his bags, throwing all of his clothes in cleaning out his dressers.

"What are you doing?"

Nella asked, playing with her sleeves and looking down.

"Moving out."

Those two simple words, those simple words tore her down again. After that session with her therapist, she always thought she had hope. Hope to bring everything back to the way it used to be. Now she actually had a reason to get up every morning- to get better and she was so excited to tell him. But now, now that he was moving out and getting on with his life, there was no hope.

"Oh.." she mumbled, moving out of his way as he slipped out of their bedroom door.

Nella couldn't blame him, though. It has been almost three months since it happened. Three months after he had lost her. Three months after she had lost him. She didn't blame him for moving on. He had given her time, and it was just too late.

As Zack looked at her, his hand on the doorknob. "Goodbye, Nella." He said simply, opening the door and slipping out.

Before he closed the door, Nella called, "I love you, Zack." Her voice soft, but loud, "I love you." She mumbled again, looking down and running her fingers through her hair.

Walking back into the living room, Nella sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over her. Replying Zack walking out in her mind over and over again.

[ofmiceandbrynne]

Cameron blinked, looking at Christian, and then looking back at me. The people seemed appalled that this had happened. Some of my friends remembered Christian, and were throwing him dirty glares, because they remembered how upset I'd been after I'd left him. They remembered those sleepless nights spent on the phone with me, telling me it was going to be okay. I remembered them, too, and I could understand why they were glaring. But they didn't know about all those sleepless nights I spent with Christian, watching old movies in his arms. They didn't know how many 'I love you's' we'd exchanged, and honestly, I couldn't even count them. All those kisses, everything...it had to mean something. I felt something when I was with Christian that I never felt with anybody else. I couldn't explain it, but I knew it was right.

I looked at Cameron, and nodded slowly. "Cameron...I..." But he shook his head, nervously laughing.

"No, Christian. You had your chance with her a long time ago, and you had a long time to get her back. So why choose now? It's too late. We're getting married and that's that." He stepped back onto the altar, grabbing my hands and squeezing them tightly. "Isn't that right, Storm?"

The priest interrupted Cameron. "Well, not exactly...If there is an objection to the marriage, we must first see if the bride agrees or disagrees, and if the groom agrees or disagrees. If one of you agrees, then the ceremony can not be continued in this case." He looked over at Cameron, who immediately said he completely disagreed with the objection. Then, he turned to me.

"What about you, Storm? What do you say about it?" He said, looking into my eyes. I'd never seen Cameron like this, I'd never seen him this upset or angry. He'd always been a sweet, quiet guy, not one to be loud and angry. But, I guess in this case, this is what it really came to.

"I..." I looked down at my toes. The tension in the room was so thick, everyone's eyes were on me. "I agree with the objection." I broke away from Cameron's hands, and he looked up at me, surprised. "Cameron, I'm sorry, but I can't marry you." I chewed on my bottom lip, walking over to Christian. I took his hand. "Let's get out of here." I murmured, burying my face in his chest.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Christian half expected for Cameron to beat the living shit out of him, for just running in and ruining everything for him. Actually, Christian knew what that felt like. Having your whole world crash down right in front of you, not being able to help it or build it back up again. That happened to him, when Storm walked away from him all those years ago, she told him that they were over and that she couldn't do it anymore. Or, when he saw her in that coffee shop, pregnant and smiling on Cameron's arms. Honestly, Christian kind of felt bad doing this to him but the thing was, he would do anything to anyone or anything just to have Storm back in his life. Even if that meant pulling apart his family, his whole future. He just, it just wasn't possible for him to live without Storm anymore. He couldn't do it and he had been living without her for so long.

Biting his lip, Christian looked at Cameron, "I'm sorry.." He mumbled, before taking Storm in his arms and leading her out of the church.

Once they were outside the doors, Christian looked down at Storm and smiled, " You look beautiful, you know that? That dress is gorgeous on you and I am one lucky guy to have you by my side." Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head and smiled. "I love you, Storm Marie Dickinson. I love you so fucking much and don't ever forget that. You mean the the world to me. I mean, hello, look at this fucking tux. I went out and rented one the other night just so you could get a kick out of seeing me actually wearing something 'fancy' for once." He smiled and opened the door to his car for her, "Mah lady." He said, gesturing her in.

"Where to?" He asked, jumping into the driver's seat and looking over at his 'runaway bride.'

"We can go to Vegas, nice little chapels down there to get married in. Hell, you're already all dressed up for one. We can go home," Christian bit his lip and looked over, "I mean my apartment, but you know, it's you're home too. It'll always be no matter if one day you wake up and realized you made a huge mistake about picking me, but you'll always be welcome there."


~~~~~~~~~
A month later, Christian woke up in his room, Storm laying on his bare chest with a little smile in her sleep. Honestly, it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. "I love you.." He murmured as he kissed her forehead and slipped out from under the covers, stretching as he got up. It was then that he heard Storm's ring tone sound from the night table.

"Shit.."He muttered to himself as he ran over to it, quietly and quickly just to make sure it wouldn't wake Storm. She hadn't been sleeping for a while, missing Alesana and all. Even though she didn't miss Cameron and she was perfectly content with Christian, she did miss her daughter. She hadn't seen her in a month and taking a mom away from her daughter? That was the only thing Christian regretted about this whole thing.

Christian walked out of their room, quietly closing the door behind him and answering her phone.
"Hello?"
Cameron's voice sounded on the other side of the line,
"Hey, is Storm home?"
"Why the fuck do you want to talk to Storm? Honestly Cameron? You need to stop calling her. It's upsetting her. She chose me, Okay? You need to just accept that and move on."
"Just shut up Christian, I really just need to talk to Storm."
"Whatever you want to say to her, you can sure as hell tell me."
"I just want her to come over and see Alesana. She's her daughter too and she really misses Storm."
Christian scratched his head and sighed, "Okay, I'll talk to her about it."

[ofmiceandbrynne]

It had been three whole months since Nella had tried to overdose. Since then, we'd barely talked. It was as if we were never in love, never went through any of the things we went through together. She hated me. I thought things would eventually get better, but they never did. Things had never gotten better like the nurses said they would. If anything, things had gotten worse. We never talked, never kissed, never made breakfast together. We never even sat in the same room at one time. At one point, Nella had asked me to leave our room and so I ended up having to sleep in the basement every night. It was finished, of course, but it was cold and dark. But, if Nella didn't want me in the room, I'd respect her wishes. But I just hated the fact that she'd asked me to leave the bedroom. I couldn't even believe that she had.

So, on that day, I decided I would move out.

It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the choice I had to make. I was a happy guy, that is before Nella overdosed and brought us both into this. She'd pulled me down into an unwilling depression, and honestly, it was terrible. It wasn't fair that my happiness was linked to hers, it wasn't fair that she had to be this pessimistic all the time. If this was what it was like, then I honestly could not live with her. I was a happy guy, and I couldn't spend the rest of my life with her attached to me like a ball and chain. I used to love her, but now...I just couldn't see us ever loving each other as we used to.

While she was at one of her appointments, I began to pack up. All of my hair stuff, clothes, shirts, jeans. I somehow managed to stuff it all into one big duffle bag. As I began to go down the stairs with it, Nella came inside. "Shit." I murmured. It would've been best if I could've left while she was out of the house, but that obviously wasn't happening now. I kept going downstairs, until I got to the bottom. She asked me what I was doing, and I replied simply with, "Moving out."

I said bye as I slipped out of the door, leaving her behind. All of those memories, everything that had happened there...gone, in the blink of an eye. I went to my car, opening the door and throwing my bag in. I put my key in the ignition and began driving away.

I barely got halfway down the street before I realized that I couldn't do this.

I drove back to the house, grabbing my bag and slowly going back in. Nella got up, looking at me, and I walked towards her, cupping her face in my hands before she could even react. "I can't do this." I murmured, pressing my lips against hers once more. "I can't leave you."

[bokangavemeabeauner]

You know that feeling, that feeling you get when you lose the one you love? Weather it's to someone else, death, or they just simply don't love you anymore, you get that feeling in your chest? The one where you feel completely and utterly empty?

That was how Nella felt right now. When Zack walked out that door, how he left with no hint of hesitation. It really hurt. Knowing that he could just leave everything behind, but, she didn't blame him. After everything she had put him through for the past couple of months? Nella would have walked out way before now if she was him.

To be honest, she just wished she could have said sorry for everything she put him through. She wished she could give him back the last five years of his life. He deserved at least that, a fresh start. He deserved to be happy and Nella just couldn't give him that right now, not in the place she was in. Not until she was getting better and who knows when that would happen? She had been going to therapy for three months and just now she had made a break through, she had seen the light at the end of the tunnel. But just as quick as it had turned on, it was quickly extinguished.

Nella still had Maria, though. But knowing Storm and how protective she was over Alesana, she probably wouldn't trust her with Maria after all the shit Zack probably would have told her. She was a wreck.

When Zack walked out, Nella realized something. She had to try harder than she was. Maria was the last person in her life. Unwilling considering she was a baby, but she was the last person who she had hope in. She was the last person left around that wouldn't leave her and she was determined to keep it that way. Nella couldn't lose Maria.

Just as Nella was laying down on the couch, Zack walked in. Her first thought was, he probably forgot something. It's nothing. But he walked over to her and he stood up. He was telling her how he couldn't do this and how he couldn't leave her and he was...kissing her.

Nella looked up at Zack, completely shocked that he came back. "I'm so sorry.." She murmured, wrapping her arms around him. "I am so sorry." He could have been happy if he left. Seeing him for the past couple of months, it made everything twice as worse than it should have been. Seeing him that sad, because of her, it killed her.

"Zack. I am so sorry. I know what you felt like now. I know what it feels like and I am so sorry. I am so sorry I put you through that. And I'm sorry for everything." Nella looked down, letting her hair fall into her face, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said in that hospital room. I'm sorry for over dosing, I'm sorry for yelling at you and being a bitch, I am so sorry. Just for everything." Looking back up at him, Nella wrapped her arms around him tight, holding him close to her, murmuring I'm sorry over and over again into his shirt.

[ofmiceandbrynne]

redoing this post xoxo

[ofmiceandbrynne]

A week after I had come back, everything had settled (at least for the most part). Nella's father still hadn't come back, which made me assume he'd gone back to California. That was a good thing, too, because we obviously didn't want him here. Storm had dropped Maria back off after her wedding (which hadn't even happened, apparently) and everything had been going alright. We were back to being able to spend time with each other, while being able to pay attention to our daughter at the same time. She was getting big now, and while she obviously couldn't talk yet, she was beginning to crawl and making small noises. She could even oink like a pig, which was pretty badass if you asked me. So, all in all, things had returned back to normal and we were together. Well, at least until I had to go back on tour in a few weeks, but that wasn't what we had to worry about right now. Actually, we didn't really have to worry about anything at the moment, which was nice to say considering it hadn't been like that for a long time.

It was a Tuesday afternoon when the phone began ringing. Maria began crying, and since Nella had fallen asleep in there from trying to convince Maria to go back to sleep, she had called down and asked me to get the phone. Standing up and putting my cell phone down, putting my tweeting spree on hold (omfg zack u faggot), I walked over to the phone and stared at the caller ID. I'd never seen the number in my life, but who knew, it could be someone important. Ha. Fuck, what was I saying? Nobody ever called us, so it could just be a telemarketer. But, considering the fact nobody did ever call us, it could definitely be someone important. So, that's why, on the seventh ring, I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I said.

"Hello, is this Zachary Dickinson?" The Voice on the Other Line said. It sounded like a woman in her mid-thirties, obviously someone I'd never talked to before. Scrunching my eyebrows together, I scratched the back of my head.

"Yes, ma'am, that would be me." I hesitated. "May I ask who is calling?"

"This is Eileen from the local Child Support center, we've been given some information from the local hospital." she paused. "They told me that they've been taking care of your wife, Ms. Dickinson, and she has been put on some anti-depressants, as well as she tried to overdose about a week ago. Is this correct?"

I chewed my lip. Child Support? What the hell did this have to do with child support? Maybe Cameron had called them on us after we'd handed Maria over so Storm and him could take care of her. After Storm had left the wedding, he'd been pretty uptight and acting like a child. Maybe he'd actually called them and made up some story. "Yes, this is correct."

"While in therapy, Nella told her counselor that while she hadn't cut for a while, she had been having urges to and, since you aren't around because of your career, she was having trouble taking care of your daughter, Maria. She said that while she loves her, sometimes she wishes she was off your hands. Now, normally all information she tells to her therapist is kept confidential unless her own life or someone else's life is in danger. We know neither of you would intentionally put your daughter in harm's way, but with the information she has provided us with, we have agreed that your daughter is not in a safe environment right now and she should be given to your nearest parent or guardian. We've contacted Nella's father and he said he and his wife would be happy to take care of your daughter." she paused, allowing me a chance to speak.

I blinked, breathless. Was this really happening? Could it really be happening? There was no way Nella could've told her therapist all of that, she barely even trusted me enough to tell me all of that. Fuck, they couldn't take our daughter away, it just wasn't fair. We could take care of her. I knew we could, in fact, we had been. "But...we have been taking care of her, I don't see why you'd want to do this." My voice cracked.

"Sir, we understand this. But we're doing this because we want to prevent any damage to your daughter in the future, and we think it's best that we keep her in a safe place until you can be around more and Nella is mentally stable. Our purpose isn't to hurt you or your wife, but to keep all of you safe." she paused again. "A representitive will be over in an hour along with her legal guardians. In this time, we'll allow you time to say goodbye to her and sign the legal documents necessary to hand Maria over and have Nella's father and stepmother become her legal guardians. Good day, Mr. Dickinson." Click. She had hung up.

I took a deep breath. This couldn't be happening. Things were just starting to go right, they couldn't take Maria away. Not now. I put down the phone shakily, going upstairs into Maria's room were Nella had just rocked her back to sleep. "N-Nella?" I called out shakily, looking at her. "Social services just called and...they're coming over in an hour. They're handing Maria over to your father because they don't think we're stable enough to be taking care of her." I bit my bottom lip, looking down, not wanting to see Nella's broken face.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

After Zack had told Nella that he was moving out, she finally realized that she couldn't lose him. She finally realized that he meant so much more to her than she thought. That all the fears she had in her head about him leaving her for someone better, were just that. Fears in her head. It was just after he had walked out on her, that Nella finally realized what she had. What she came so close to losing multiple times. It might sound a little cheesy, but Nella and Zack were just..connected. It didn't really feel right with anyone else, at least not to her. It didn't feel the same when she went out with another guy(obviously when they were apart omfg). He didn't give her those butterflies that she got around Zack, it didn't feel the same, she didn't feel that spark when he kissed her. It just, he wasn't Zack.

And hell, he had to love her too. After all, who would stick around after she overdosed? After finding out how crazy and fucked up she really was? Who would stay with her after she told him countless times how much she hated him and blamed everything on him? God, Nella was actually surprised that he stayed that long. And she regretted every minute of it. She wished she could go back in time and change it all.

Every chance Nella got, she found herself telling Zack sorry over and over again for all the horrible things she had done/said to him. And she just kept wishing that she could take them all back, he deserved at least that. An apology. Hell, he deserved those three months back, they all did.

After they had gotten Maria back from Storm and Cameron, Zack had started helping her out more, knowing how stressed she got when she took care of her for hours on end. But that's the consequence of having a baby. Now, in the middle of the night, Nella didn't have to get up and coo Maria back to sleep. Zack offered now and again to do it for her. It honestly meant the world to her, to know that he was at least trying to make things better than they were.

Nella was rocking Maria back to sleep, smiling down at her little baby. She was going to be a year old next week and her and Zack had been planning a nice little party, just them, at home. A cake, maybe a few balloons, nothing really exciting. Just a little party. Something for the scrapbooks and the memory of their baby's first birthday.

When Zack walked in, she smiled, "Hey Za-" But he cut her off, she didn't get to finish. Nella grew quiet when she heard what he had to say and all the color drained from her face as she pulled Maria closer to her chest.

"No." She whispered, shaking her head. "Zack, they can't take away our baby. They can't. What did we do wrong?" Nella shook her head, standing up and walking over to him, "Zack, we can't let them take our baby. We can't, we fucking can't let my dad take her. I don't want Maria growing up to be as fucked up as me. He can't take her, I won't let them. They're not taking our baby." Nella shook her head, walking back into Maria's room, looking down at the sleeping baby and shaking her head.

"Zack.." Nella said, turning around. "I can't let my dad take my baby...not after what he did to me. I can't let her go through that, even if she is this young. I'm not letting her. I can't. Why can't my mom take her? I would feel so much better if my mother took her than my dad. At least she would let us see her, my dads just going to bring her all the way back to California...hell, he probably won't even be the one raising her. He'll probably get some uptight nanny to raise her. That's not a family, Zack. I'm not letting her go through that, you don't understand, I just, I can't. I might not be a good mother, but I sure as hell know one thing, my baby's not safe with some prick like him." Nella gritted her teeth and walked over to Zack, looking up into his eyes. "Isn't there something we can do? Or say? Fuck, I'm not just going to let them take her like it's okay."

Five minutes later, the doorbell rang and Nella bit her lip, clutching Maria closer to her, mumbling 'This isn't happening' over and over again. Nella looked at Zack and placed Maria down in her crib. "I'm going to go talk to them." She whispered, running her fingers through her hair and taking a deep breath.

Nella slowly walked down the stairs, occasionally looking over her shoulder to make sure Zack wasn't following her. She wanted him to stay with Maria. After all, if this was their last few minutes they would have with her, she should spend it with her Daddy. Zack didn't get to see Maria as much as Nella did. He deserved it more than her.

Opening the door, Nella titled her chin up and looked at the social worker in front of her. She had a smile on her face like taking away someones child was actually...fun and amusing to her. "Mrs. Dickinson, can we please come in?" She asked, pushing her way inside the house, Nella's Dad and Cindy following close behind.

"Where is she?" Her dad asked, looking around the house with a big smile on his face. Always getting what he wanted int he end.

Nella shook her head and walked closer to him, the closet she had dared to be near him in a while.

"This makes you happy, doesn't it? Ruining my life after I finally got away from you. You're a bastard." Nella whispered, trying to keep her lip from quivering.

"If you do anything to my baby girl, I'll get back at you. You can bet your ass that if anything, and when I say anything I mean anything, you're going to regret it. You fucked up my life, and I have been doing everything in my power to keep you from doing the same to her."

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I sat down, slowly picking up Maria and hugging her close to me. It couldn't end like this. A smiling social worker, Nella's father and Cindy, and just like that...she would be gone. Fuck. First we'd lost Taylor, but there was no way we could even lose Maria. She was the only thing keeping the two of us sane. If we lost her...I couldn't even imagine what it would do to the two of us. I couldn't imagine what it would do to Nella. We had to keep Maria, but there was no possible way we could. There was no way the social worker would even let us keep her, no matter how much Nella tried to tell the woman that she had been taking her meds every day, that she felt better. Because, no matter what, they'd still take our daughter from us.

I slowly held her tightly to me as she cooed, slowly waking up. I hushed her, kissing her fuzzy head. She giggled with delight as she looked up at me with her dark brown eyes, something she had inherited from me. Nella had always told me Maria had my eyes, but it was clear that Maria possessed Nella's little upturned nose, and her little dimples. And when she laughed, her nose crinkled up and she squinted her eyes and giggled and giggled and giggled, the same way Nella had. Maria had been the thing that calmed everything between Nella and I, it was what the both of us needed. And, just as things had seemed to be getting calm again, we had to have her taken away. It just wasn't fair.

I looked down at Maria, and she giggled, exposing her tiny pink gums. I smiled back through all the hurt and confusion I was going through at the moment. "Hey, Maria." I whispered, rocking her gently. She excitedly pumped her legs up and down, and I laughed as she stared at me with that goofy smile, moving her tiny legs up and down. But, before I could fully start to enjoy my last moments with my daughter, I began to hear voices downstairs. Angry, upset voices. Nella's father had apparently arrived, along with the social worker. I slowly walked out of the room, closing the door to Maria's room behind me and walking down the stairs slowly.

As soon as I reached the last one, I realized I had been right. Everyone had arrived. It was almost like a sick family reunion. Almost like, Hello, daughter, we're here! Let's enjoy a home cooked meal and then we'll take the only thing that makes you happy away from you. Well, we'll see you soon, it was nice catching up!

We stood there in silence for a few moments, but I finally spoke up. "L-listen...please. Nella's been doing so much better, and I see nothing she could be doing that puts Maria in harm's way. Please, please just give us another chance." My lip quivered. The social worker didn't even take a moment to ponder it. She gently tried to take Maria, but I resisted. "No." I murmured, shaking my head. "No, we did nothing wrong." She gave me a friendly glare, prying Maria from my arms and putting Maria into Nella's dad's arms.

"Now, this may only be temporary. Please adapt to it as it could also be permanent, but nothing is set in place yet. Please just stay calm as everything should be alright soon." She smiled and nodded. "I'll give you four time to talk if you would like it. Otherwise, we are done here."

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I woke up, rolling over in bed and not seeing Christian. My heart sped up for a moment, but I calmed down when I heard the TV on in the living room. I looked over at the clock. Dammit, I'd slept in late again. I wondered if Christian got annoyed when I slept in much later than he did. I hoped it didn't. Ever since I'd left Cameron to be with Christian, I'd been missing Alesana so much. And, because of that, I'd been sleeping a lot more because I couldn't stop missing her.

While I definitely didn't miss Cameron, I missed every little aspect of Alesana: the little smile she gave me when she woke up, her little giggle, when she got the hiccups after I fed her. I even missed when she'd wake me up at 3 AM, even though it got to me sometimes. I missed rocking her back to sleep, and the way she instantly fell back asleep once I was there. I couldn't bear to think that I'd left her. It hurt so damn bad, especially since I knew what it was like to grow up without one of your parents being there. I promised myself that I'd never do that to my kid, but lo and behold, I had. I'd messed up my life so bad, if I had never left Christian in the first place, none of this would have happened.

I slowly got out of bed, pulling my hair back and walking into the connected bathroom, pulling back my light pink hair and sighing. Even after sleeping for that long, I was still tired. Tired from long nights spent with Christian, whether it was watching an old horror movie and cuddling or having sex. I looked as exhausted as I felt, too, which wasn't a very good sign. Before I could turn on the sink to wash my face, my phone began singing out "Good Riddance" by Green Day. I sang to it softly under my breath as I walked over to the nightstand, picking it up and groaning at who it was. Cameron.

"Cameron, what the fuck do you want?" I moaned, closing my eyes and running my fingers through my hair.

"Didn't Christian tell you what I wanted?" he questioned. I shook my head, and then suddenly remembered he couldn't see me do so. "Well?"

"N-no, what are you talking about?" He deeply exhaled on the other end. Was Christian keeping a secret from me? God, I hated it when people did that to me. Zack had a good habit of keeping secrets, and always claimed it was 'for my own good'...but I honestly never saw it. Because, every time someone kept a secret from me, I was the one that ended up getting hurt.

"Oh...well, I guess he didn't tell you." Cameron sighed dramatically. God, he was such a drama queen. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever Cameron, please stop calling me. I'm going to have to block you soon, I don't enjoy your calls. I'm in love with Christian, not you." I gritted my teeth, and then hung up the phone before thinking for a moment. Would Christian really hide something from me, especially since it was from Cameron? I knew maybe it wasn't the best, but honestly, Cameron had to have needed something with the way he acted on the phone. Usually, when he called, it was a request with him sobbing and begging me to come home. But this time...he seemed more serious, more solemn. Like he wasn't fucking around this time.

Shoving my phone into my pocket, I opened the door and walked into the living room. It was now or never. I had to ask Christian, there was no point in being upset over it. I just had to be straightforward with it.

"Hey," I said quietly, chewing my lip and looking down. "Cameron just called me and said he'd given you a message to pass onto me, and that I should ask you what it was." I looked up at him, my hands shoved in my pockets. He knew for a fact that when people hid stuff from me, it plain pissed me off. I didn't think he'd do it to me, especially after seeing what it did to me when other people did it.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

As it wasn't enough for him to ruin her life, Nella's dad had to ruin her baby's life too. When she got pregnant with Taylor, even though she was scared, even though she thought she wasn't going to be a good mother, Nella had promised herself something. No matter what happened, she would never walk out on Maria. Nella would never do anything nearly has horrible as her father had done. He had always been abusive, physically and emotionally. Nella had never understood why her mother had married such a man as him. When she was younger, though, Nella had remembered the good times between them. She couldn't see where everything went wrong. Maybe she had done something to upset him. Or something that made him not love her anymore. Either way, Nella had lost her father and over all, that was the root of all her problems.

Looking over at Zack, Nella saw the tears welling up in his eyes, she herself had even started crying too. After all, who wouldn't be upset that the only thing keeping their feet on the ground after all the shit they had been through was Maria? It was a huge task for someone so small and so young, but she did it. Nella couldn't remember the last time she was happy after she overdosed, but, after Maria came home, she felt the happiness slowly keeping back into her life. She couldn't explain why or how, but it did. Maybe Maria just gave her hope, hope that things could and would get better.

Nella watched the social worker hand Maria over to her father and Nella couldn't help but cringe. It was just like him to rip the only shred of happiness in her life away from her. That slim bit of hope she had gotten back; gone. It was gone. Once that social worked put Maria in her father's arms, Nella felt numb all over. She felt completely helpless all over again.

Nella was drawn back to reality when the smiling, slightly annoyed, social worker said that this might be permanent. "What?"
Nella murmured, running her fingers through her long dark hair. "What? This can't be permanent. You can't let my baby stay with him." Nella said, shaking her head. "You got into my reports from therapy once before, you can do again. You can see that he's the root of all my problems. He's the reason I went into depression. And you're letting my daughter stay with him? I can't believe you. What kind of joke is this?" Nella gritted her teeth, balling her hands into fists and slowly letting them fall to her side, closing her eyes.

No matter how much Nella wanted Maria to stay with them, she had no fight left in her. She couldn't go through this with her dad all over again. She couldn't.

"Well," The social worked chimed, clearing her throat, "If you have nothing left to say, we'll be leaving again. We'll be in touch, don't worry. You'll have updates on your daughter at the end of every week." She shuffled Nella's dad and Cindy towards the door. "Oh, and Nella? You have an appointment tomorrow at five like usual. I'd like you to tell your therapist how you're doing with this change." Giving a smile, she closed the door behind them, and that's when Nella lost it.

Tears started pouring of her eyes and she sunk to the floor, her head in her hands. "I fucked up, Zack. I fucked up. I'm sorry." She choked out, looking up at him. "If I didn't open my big fat mouth she would still be here." Nella shook her head and looked back down. This was all her fault. Maria was her daughter, she was supposed to love her and make sure she never let anyone or anything ever hurt her. But, in the end, it was her own mother that hurt her. Nella let this happen, unknowingly yes, but she still did.

"I'm sorry."

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Christian bit his lip and looked up at Storm. "Shit," he mumbled to himself, picking up the remote and muting the TV.

"Look, Storm." He started, getting up and running his fingers through his hair. "Yes, Cameron called, and yes he told me to tell you something, and no I didn't tell you it, but you know I don't trust Cameron, right?" He sighed, taking Storm's hand and pulling her down on the couch with him. "He told me that Alesana missed you. And you know I love her with all my heart, but I just don't trust him. He's a sleezy little prick and I don't want him anywhere around you. He told me that he wanted you to go over and see her for a few hours one day, or maybe stay over the night with her. I just, I just have this feeling that that's not all he wants you come over for, you know?" Christian looked over at Storm and sighed, biting his lip. "I just have a feeling that he's just going to try some shit, you know? I just, I don't feel comfortable with you going over to see her, with him there, even if it's just for Alesana."

Seeing the look in her eyes, he sighed. Storm didn't think he cared. She was getting the wrong impression. However, it kind of hurt that she didn't think he would care about something like this. Sure, he had never had a kid and he had never had to worry about something like this before, but, Christian loved her. He loved Alesana as if she was his own. That was the problem though, he wasn't hers. He was Cameron's. As much as he loved Alesana, she just proved to be just another reminder that Storm had ever been with Cameron. As much as he hated to admit it, Christian didn't want her to go and see her. Maybe if he could come along with her, but knew she would never allow it. Him and Cameron would probably get into some stupid fight over absolutely nothing. But you know what? Christian got da goods and Cameron got da nothing. holla.

"Storm," He mumbled, taking her hands in his. "I love you, okay? I love Alesana with all of my heart and I would gladly accept her as my own daughter, I just don't feel comfortable with you around Cameron again. I don't trust him. I would feel so much better if I could come with you, or she could stay over here, something, anything as long as you don't have to see him." Christian bit his lip and gave her hands a squeeze, "Please? Do this for me?"

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I immediately shook my head, hugging Nella, even though I was barely managing to stay sane myself. "Babe, it's not your fault." I murmured into her hair, really not knowing what to say other than that. Sometimes, when we were going through times like this, I'd learned that I just had to be quiet. I had to shut up and hug her, hold her close to me, and let her cry. Although crying brought on terrible feelings, like that weird itching in your eyes you got before you did, and the feeling of wet tears on your face, it was actually good for you. I read somewhere that it released stress endorphins or something. So, as much as it sucked to cry sometimes, you really needed to do it. If you didn't, if you tried to keep it bottled up and be tough, it wouldn't do anything for you other than just making you feel worse than you even felt in the first place. So, that's why, on that cold day in November (idk i just chose november. oops), I listened to the cries echo through the house. And this time, the cries didn't belong to our baby, no, they belonged to my wife. My wife, Nella, the love of my life, because we had lost our baby and we couldn't do a thing about it.

After about five minutes of her repeating the same words, (I fucked it up again, God, Zack, I fucked everything up again. I'm sorry, Zack. I'm sorry.) I finally grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Nella Dickinson." I said slowly and quietly, saying every syllable seperately and closing my eyes, shaking my head. I opened them back up, looking into her brown ones. The sparkle I'd seen today, the one that had finally returned after such a long time, wasn't there anymore. God, I'd do anything in my power to make her happy again, to see her smile. But, like the situation with Maria...I couldn't do a thing about it.

"You didn't fuck everything up." I whispered, looking into her eyes. "Honestly? Nella, if it weren't for you, I would've been dead by now. I would've been dead, I swear to you. Remember that day we met?" I chewed my lip as she nodded. Memories flowed back. The restaurant, my large plate of bacon and the large cup of Mountain Dew, and Nella laughing at me. I had gone over to her and told her I had this weird feeling, and we exchanged numbers. Those were the pleasant memories, the ones I wanted to remember. But the things I remembered clearest from that day were the most unpleasant ones. "That day, Storm was upset, we'd been kicked out of our older house. Not the one where we'd lived with our parents, we'd gotten out of there years before. We'd been kicked out of the house we'd lived in before that, because we couldn't pay rent. Storm couldn't hold a steady job, I don't remember why. But from where we were, it looked like I'd have to live out of my fucking car. I had nowhere to go." My voice shook. "Nella, Storm had kept telling me I was a waste of her time and I was just a burden. She told me I didn't belong in the house and she'd be better off without me. So I did go away." I looked down, still gripping her shoulders. "That restaurant? Dammit, I was going to kill myself that night. Throw myself in front of a car or some shit like that. But Nella." I looked up at her, my lips curving into a small smile. "Nella, if I hadn't met you in that restaurant, I would've been dead. You fucking saved me." I paused, chewing on my bottom lip and letting my hair fall into my face. "Point being, we've been through so much shit together, but we've gotten through all of it for a reason. I mean, at the end of the day, it's all worth it. Or at least that's what I think, I mean. You could think differently." I took my arms off of her shoulders, letting them fall limply at my sides, and looking at the ground. She stared at me.

It took maybe three seconds for her to fly back into my arms.

And then I was the one that was crying. "Dammit, Nella, I love you so much. You didn't fuck anything up. Please don't say that. Please." I buried my face in the crook of her neck, rocking her in my arms slowly.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

"I'm so sorry, Zack." Nella muttered into his chest, squeezing him tighter against him. "I am so sorry. I love you so much. I love you so fucking much. I'm so glad I met you Zack. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you, or without you in it." Pausing for a moment, she started again, "We'll get her back, I promise. We'll work everything out." Pulling away, Nella bit her lip and brought her thumb up to wipe Zack's tears away. "I promise. We always get through everything. We can do it..I promise. We just have to stay strong. I don't know for how long, but we can do it. We've been through so much worse." Placing her hands on the side of his face, Nella stared into his dark eyes, the ones clouded with tears, hatred, sadness, and love all at that same time, and pulled him in for a kiss. "I love you, Zack. I always have and I always will. We can do this. I promise we can do this."

[[The Next Day]]

Nella woke up on the couch with Zack next to her, to her, it was quite a surprise. He had been tossing and turning all night, waking up every now and then and just sitting there. He'd turn on the TV or look at her, or sometimes, he would get up and wouldn't come back for half and hour or so, Nella had assumed he was in Maria's room. Zack was never really fond in crying in front of her. It was something Nella never fully understood. She cried all the time after all and it was perfectly ok if Zack lost it every now and again.

Looking over at Zack, he stirred again and she sighed, laying her head back down on his chest, to afraid to get up in the risk of waking him. He was due to get back to tour at the end of the week, but, after what just happened last night, Nella thought he was planning on staying home longer than expected, again.

All in all, Nella felt bad pulling him away from his musical career. She knew that it made him feel better, playing music, being an inspiration to those that had lost their way, he loved it and Nella felt guilty taking him away from it all.

Zack's eyes fluttered open and Nella sat up, looking down at him and pushing his hair out of his face, "You can go back to sleep if you want, Zack. I know you didn't sleep at all last night...I'd really feel good if you just took it easy..you know? You don't have to look after me today, I can take care of myself for once, just, do me a favor and just sleep a little longer." Nella bit her lip and leaned down to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Getting up slowly, Nella walked into the kitchen, poking around in the fridge for some bacon to cook up for the both of them. After she found it, she got it out and put a pan on the stove, heating it up to 350. While Nella waited for the stove to heat up, her phone buzzed on the counter top. The number was blocked, nonetheless, she picked it up, murmuring a 'hello?'

"Hey Nella, it's your father." Nella groaned and leaned against the counter, closing her eyes. "I just called to tell you that Maria is doing fine. She was a little fussy on the plain ride over, but, over all she's doing good. Cindy fed her before we took off yesterday and she's doing just fine. She misses you, though." Nella gritted her teeth and slapped the bacon into the pan, "You know, you didn't have to take her. She would have been perfectly fine with me and Zack. We are her parents after all. And we're nothing like you ever were to me." Her dad sighed and shifted the phone, "You know, Nella. You're going to have to get over that sooner or later and start liking me again.

Hanging up, Nella took the bacon out of the pan and put it in the plate, frowning to herself. It was like he was rubbing it in her face that he got to ruin her life even after she got away from him.

Grabbing two mountain dews from the fridge, Nella walked back into the living room with the drinks and the bacon. Sitting back down on the couch, and looked down at Zack. "I made your favorite.." She murmured. This reminded her a lot of the time they had lost Taylor. But this time, their baby wasn't dead. She was very much alive and halfway across the country.

"I'm going to fly out there. Tonight or tomorrow. I have to convince him that I can do this. I just, I don't want to go back to the way things were. Things were finally getting better. I can't go back to that. I'll get her back, I promise." Nella bit her lip and put the drinks and the bacon on the coffee table, laying back down next to Zack and wrapping her arms around him. "I love you." She murmured, rubbing the side of his arm.

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I exhaled lightly through my nose, looking up at Christian. Maybe he was right. Going over there by myself certainly wasn't a good choice, if anything. God, if I'd never met Cameron, much less had a baby with him, none of this would be happening. Sure, I loved Alesana, but sometimes...I wished I hadn't made that decision. I tricked myself into thinking I was in love. I still couldn't decide how I'd done that, but I regretted it now. Not Alesana herself, but the idea that I'd sacrificed myself like that, made myself so vulnerable without even thinking. It wasn't fucking fair. Life isn't fair. Where's my refund. I want out...and if not that, then a redo would be nice as well. I already could name at least ten things I wouldn't have done, things I hadn't done that I really wish I had. But, if I had chosen a redo -- I might not've met Christian. And Christian was something I would not sacrifice.

I looked up at Christian, slowly nodding and chewing my lip. "F-fine...we don't even have to go over there." I looked down, squeezing his hands. "I don't even want to. I don't want to see Cameron. I'll call him and arrange so that Alesana can stay over with us tomorrow night, okay? I can arrange it all, it won't be a problem. I'm sorry." I shook my head, letting my bangs fall into my face. I looked up at Christian, pressing my lips together and nodding. "I'm going to go get a shower, and then I'll call him, okay?" I stood up, nodding and walking into the bedroom.

Fuck you, Christian. He couldn't just decide what was good for me and what wasn't, it wasn't fair. Sure, I trusted him, but there were times when I had to make my own decisions. I trusted that he knew what was best for me, but I just needed to go do this.

I walked into the bedroom, taking off my pajamas and slipping into a new set of clothing: light gray skinny jeans, a long-sleeved Never Shout Never shirt and a pair of Toms. I ran my fingers through my hair. I would just have to go over, and see Alesana. There was nothing to be afraid of. I'd go see her, say hello to Cameron, who I assumed would be doing alright, and leave. There was nothing else to it.

~~~

Early the next morning, I slowly slipped out of Christian's arms, careful not to wake him up. I walked into the kitchen, still tip-toeing, and grabbed a sticky-note from the refrigerator. I scrawled messily on it, "Christian, how am I supposed to eat Fruity Pebbles without milk, God dammit. I'll be back soon, love you. xoxo Storm" I nodded, sticking it on the counter where I knew he would see it, and slowly slipping out of the door and outside into my car.

After about a five minute drive, I arrived at the house. Nervously, I got out of the car, knocking on the door. I was practically shaking. After a few seconds, I heard someone descending the stairs, and Cameron opened the doors. He smiled at me, opening his arms for a hug. I shook my head, and he grimaced, opening the door and allowing me to come inside.

"Where's Alesana?" I asked, gritting my teeth and looking up at Cameron. I'd forgotten how tall he actually was. He chuckled.

"Um...didn't you know? My mother volunteered to take care of her months ago, she's been raising her on her own." But before he could continue, I interrupted him.

"CAMERON! I never told you your mother could have custody of Alesana!" He shrugged, still smirking.

"Since we were never technically married, Alesana can go to anyone without any paperwork or hassle."

"God! Cameron, why do you feel the need to ruin me? Why?" I shook my head, tears burning in my eyes.

He gritted his teeth, exhaling. I knew immediately that I'd upset him, and something inside of me told me to run. But I couldn't. I couldn't back down from this. "You little whore!" He exclaimed, pushing me against the wall rather hard. I yelped, hitting my head hard and sliding down at the pain. He chuckled at the sight of me crumbled on the ground, and brought his foot to my stomach, kicking me repeatedly. I exclaimed in pain, calling for somebody, anybody, to help. But nobody was there, and nobody would come to help.

Finally, he crouched down and smiled at me, his face suddenly twisting. "God, Storm! I gave you everything, and you just threw it away! What did I do to deserve any of this? What did I do?" He gritted his teeth and brought his hand to my face with a quick smack!

"I'm sorry! Cameron, I'm sorry!" I sobbed, but he wouldn't stop. He grabbed me by my long hair, pulling back until my scalp stung and releasing, letting my head hit hard against the hardwood floor. I couldn't take it anymore. He looked at me, anger in his eyes, but more than anything...pain. There was pain. And in that moment, I felt bad for him. I felt bad for doing such a thing to him. I brought this onto myself.

He hit my head on the floor one last time. "That'll teach you not to cheat on me, you bitch." He growled, getting up and leaving me, crumbled, bruised, and bloodied on the ground. I sat there and sobbed, not able to move. There was no point in crying; my chest already hurt terribly, and it just made the blood look even worse. God, what had I done?

After a moment, although it took effort, I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and shakily dialed Christian. He'd be so angry for me sneaking out, but I had to get help. I couldn't just lay here. I need help.

After a few rings, he picked up. It was then that I realized I could barely speak without breaking down. My voice shook as I sobbed. "Christian...I...I didn't listen to you, I lied to you, and I'm sorry. But I-I need help." I gasped out, balling up my fists and gasping. "Please, I'm at Cameron's house. Please don't be mad. I need help. Please." I gasped out, but that was all I could manage before I dropped the phone on the floor, unable to even hang up. Christian called out my name, but I couldn't call out loud enough for him to hear me. God, my chest hurt so much with every effort I made to even breathe. After a while, he hung up, which made me assume he was on his way.

[bokangavemeabeauner]

Christian stirred, in bed, rolling over and over again trying to find that familiar body he had gotten used to over the years. The familiar smell of cherries and the tickle of her hair under his nose, or, the rhythmic sound of her breath as she slept next to him.

But he couldn't find her. Christians eyes immediately fluttered open and he looked around for Storm, who was no where in sight.

"Storm?" He called out, sitting up and looking around the still darkened room. Looking over at the clock, he swore under his breath and saw that it was already two. As he got out of bed, he picked up his phone looking to see if he had any missed calls and messages. None. Great. Sighing, he placed his phone back down on the nightstand and pulled on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a lose fit 'Pierce The Veil' tank top, one that exposed the tattoo he had gotten a while back. All in all, it was a joke him and Storm had when they were going out. Whenever she was in a bad mood, he said, 'Great, I have to brace another Storm.' It was cheesy, but it still made her laugh. It was their three year anniversary and they were set on getting married the next year. Christian had decided that he was going to surprise her and get a tattoo with her name. After all, this was the longest relationship he had ever had and he was sure he was in love. A week before their anniversary he had gone out and gotten Brace the Storm tattooed across his chest in a fancy, cursive font. When Storm saw it, she laughed. God was her laugh adorable.

As he walked into the kitchen, Christian saw a pink sticky note on the counter. 'Must be from Storm' Christian thought as he picked it up and quickly ran his eyes through the word. Rolling his eyes, he couldn't help but smile. Storm was such a little kid. Seriously? Fruity Pebbles? Well, he had to admit, they were pretty kick-ass and, this might make him sound gay, but the rainbow ones were downright fabulous.

Walking into the living room, Christian turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, grumbling to himself how nothing was ever on. Finally, he settled for a rerun of Adventure Time when his phone began to ring.

Unlocking his phone, he saw that it was Storm's number, he quickly smiled and tapped the accept button. "Hey ba-"
But he was cut off. There was sobbing, and screaming, crying and someone yelling at her.
"Storm? Where are you are you okay?" He sat up, his eyebrows scrunching up. Christian stood up before she even said where she was. Storm was crying, his Storm. She sounded hurt and he had to be there for her. "Storm." He said in the calmest voice he could. But, all in all, he was freaking out.

"I'm at Cameron's. I'm sorry, Christian. I need help."

He stopped in his tracks, shoes already on and untied, his hand inches from the doorknob. If Cameron had done anything to her, Christian was going to kill him.
"Storm, I'll be there in five minutes."

Hanging up, he ran to his car, quickly getting in and putting the key in the ignition.

Seven minutes later, he was at the door of Cameron's apartment. Not even bothering knocking, he opened the door, surprised it wasn't locked, and walked in, calling out Storm's name.

"Babe, where are you?" Christian bit his lip and walked through the rooms, looking in everyone one until he found her laying on the floor of the hallway, Cameron at her side.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Her." He muttered, balling his hands into fists. That was when he saw it, the blood coming from Storm's nose, the cuts on her arms and the bruises already starting to form. That's when he lost it. Cameron had hurt her and h was going to pay. Grabbing Cameron by the shoulders, he shoved him against he wall, hard. "What the fuck did you do to her!" He screamed, slamming him against the wall again. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" Pulling his arm back, Christian's fist connected with Cameron's jaw and he winced away in pain. "I warned you, I fucking warned you if you ever touched her again, you'd pay for it." Christian threw Cameron on the floor, standing over him and looking down. "You're fucking pathetic, you know that. Pa-the-tic. You need help." Christian pulled Cameron up off the floor again and looked him in the eye, "You'll pay for this. Trust me. You will fucking pay." Shoving him against the wall again, Christian let him go. "I'm coming after you."

Bending down next to Storm, he gently picked her up, cradling her in his arms. Seeing Storm like this wanted him to cry. "Storm, wake up." He muttered, rocking her back and forth and wiping the blood away from her face with the bottom of his shirt. "Storm, please wake up."

Taking out his phone, Christian quickly dialed 9-1-1

[ofmiceandbrynne]

After Nella told me to go back to sleep, I didn't. Shhh, don't tell. Instead of slumbering, I sat there with my eyes closed (to perform the illusion that I actually was sleeping just to make Nella feel better) and thought. About how Nella had promised we'd get through this, how we always did. But I doubted it, honestly. Our daughter would grow up believing whatever damn stories Nella's dad and Cindy told her. For all we knew, she could grow up thinking that we'd abandoned her. I just wanted to tell her that, no matter what, we still loved her, y'know? I'd tell her it wasn't our choice, and we'd give anything to have our back. But we couldn't have her back, and that was that. I sighed.

Suddenly, Nella's phone began to ring. I winced at the sound. It was probably her dad calling. Honestly, Nella didn't get many calls on her phone anymore. She joked with me sometimes, that, if I didn't have one, she wouldn't really need one. But honestly, it was kind of true. Ever since the situation with Taylor, a lot of her friends had stopped talking to her. It was strange, really. What was the point of even having friends if they wouldn't stick around? I mean, in the good times, they loved you and, damn, if you had liquor, they were game for a good time. But at times like these..the hardest times, when you needed them most, they deserted you. And it sucked to see Nella so upset, with things going so wrong for her. It sucked having to watch all these things happen to her and not know how to make it better. And when you tried your best, it just made her even more upset. It sucked so much to know she was sad but I couldn't fix it. I mean, dammit, as a husband, that's my job.

She finished her call with who I learned was her father, and then came over and slid me a plate of bacon and Mountain Dew. I smiled, pretending to be thankful, and taking the plate, slowly dissecting the bacon and tearing it up, not eating it. Unlike most people, I was not a stress eater. Instead, I didn't eat at all when I was sad or upset. I mean, I guess it was that way for a lot of people too, but...ah nevermind I'm making no sense. .-.

After she saw how upset I was, she turned to me and told me how she was going to go get Maria back. But from the way she was saying it, honestly? It sounded like she'd be leaving me behind. Me, the one who never even got time with Maria, because I was always on tour. If anyone should be going, it should be me. I should be the one to go get her, if not both of us. I nodded, finally putting the bacon into my mouth, piece by tiny piece.

"I'm going to come too," I mumbled, and then looked up. "No choice. We can pack tonight, I'll look for cheap last minute plane tickets." Although I wasn't sure if everything would work out, I assumed it would have to.

~~

After finding last minute tickets, and packing clothes (we had no idea how long we'd have to be all the way out in California, besides, we might as well take advantage while we were there) we were ready to leave for California. It felt like an adventure, honestly. It was kind of like a rescue mission. Even though I should've been stressed out, I was actually pretty excited. I'd never been out to California before. I'd never really travelled much at all, really, besides for touring. But I'd never made it to California.

I pulled my bag down the steps slowly, seeing Nella already sitting on the couch. "Ready to go?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

[ofmiceandbrynne]

I woke up, what I assumed was hours later, in the hospital. From the room I was in, I assumed I'd been asleep for a while. I wasn't in the ICU, but rather a regular room. I tried to sit up, but couldn't because (a) there was an IV tube stuffed into my arm and (b) I was pretty sure I'd broken at least three ribs. I ran my fingers over my face, feeling a rough lining of stitches just above my lip under my right eye. It didn't really matter, though, considering the fact that my right eye had almost completely swollen shut at this point. The pain on that side of my face was so bad that honestly it didn't even matter. My head ached and I noticed that they'd wrapped what looked like a bunch of giant gauze around what looked to be my lower ribcage. It didn't look like there had been any blood, but I could tell from the tiny red blots on the hospital sheets that my nose had still been bleeding. I sighed lightly, as to not hurt my ribcage anymore than it already had hurt. Damn, I didn't remember being through that much pain. There was no way he could've torn open my face enough for stitches. But still, I couldn't even remember calling an ambulance. Had I? God, I couldn't remember. My head hurt so bad, I didn't even want to think about it.

I looked to my right, seeing a transparent tube. Following it with my fingers, I found it was an oxygen tube, running up the back of my head, over my ears, and letting two cannulas loosely rest in each of my nostrils. The machine chugged on laboriously, making a small noise every few seconds. Was I dying? No, I couldn't be. I couldn't be dying, it just wasn't possible.

I looked over to my left and saw Christian and my heart sped up. He must've gotten me here. He wasn't mad, or at least he didn't appear to be. But, nevertheless, I started crying, minus all the energy and pain it cost me. "I got hurt." I panted, simply because it was all I could think of and because I couldn't speak anything longer than maybe a sentence at a time right now.

"I'm sorry...I just..I thought I was making the right decision. I knew you don't like Cameron, and I thought I could just go over and pick up Alesana by myself. I didn't want you to get stressed out by him, and I didn't want both of you to fight, but..." I paused, switching the oxygen machine up. Couldn't breathe. "I...I don't know. I'm sorry." I shook my head, shaking. I sat there, breathing heavily and breathing in the extra air coming in through my nostrils, sighing.

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