WARNING: VENTING SESSION IN PROGRESS

[Dancin' Kate]

WARNING: There will be a lot of cussing in this session. When I vent, it's more like me screaming my every thought and emotion. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. 

Well, before I even post the first thing that is driving me closer to insanity, let me just say this: I am not posting this for pity. I do not want pity. I am posting this because if I don't release this pent up stress, I will fucking drop kick a baby and go on a killing spree. Got it, people?
That said, I will start by saying that I have a raging stomach ache the size of Mount Everest and I want to rip my fucking stomach open and beat the living shit out of whatever is making it hurt! Dx 
Ever have a stress stomach ache? If you have, you know that you can't get rid of fucking bastards without knocking yourself out with pain-pills. -.- Thus, everything that is building up inside me has decided that NOW is a perfect time to become a fucking shit-storm in my stomach only two days after my period. Fan-fucking-tastic, huh? 
But, oh, just you wait; things get so much better!
The past two years have sucked ASS for me and my family. To start off, in 2010 I had to break up with my first boyfriend who I absolutely was head-over-heels in love with (and still am, remember that for later). Not to mention, but a huge bitch-fight broke out between my best friend and I that haunted me for another year. AKA, pretty much my entire summer and half of seventh grade. She just wouldn't fucking let it go! Every time I saw her, she'd fucking glare at me and be such a BITCH to me! I eventually was able to just ignore her, but it was like trading one shit-storm for another. My biggest headache has a name:
Michael. 
Stupid fucktard was such a screw up in his school in Colorado where he lived that the DISTRICT kicked him the fuck out and told him bluntly; "Clean up your act or don't come back." So, his mom sends him up to live with my family in Washington state after my mom offers. Well, my family is already having problems: my Dad is shutting us out when he's home for like two days before he's gone for another three weeks, I'm falling into depression, and my sister is getting bullied at school. 
So when Michael comes along and brings his fucktard ways with him, you can imagine how things go from there. Him and I fight constantly, my Dad is always yelling when he's home or retreating to the computer, my Mom is always yelling and she's starting to ignore me and my sister. Oh, but wait! Things have to go from bad, to total fuck-me-in-the-ass-holy-shit-storm! And let me tell you, a little part of me still wants to fucking chew Michael another asshole for this little stunt. 
So, the last Friday before Christmas Break in the morning while Mike and I are walking to school, I ask him not to do anything stupid. I fucking beg him. 
And what does the little shit do?
He fucking O.D.s at the pep-rally. 
I'm thirteen years old when all this happens, when I see a fucking AMBULANCE coming to save the boy I have known for almost my whole life, whom I consider a brother, who at one point I had a fucking crush on! That day, I swear, something inside me changed. I've never been the same since. 
So, because of that, he almost ruins my Christmas. You can't possibly imagine just how fucking much I hated him at the time. 
I'm a military brat, which means I move a lot. In my short life-span of fourteen years, I have moved seven times. I've lived in five different states and I went to nine different schools. So, you could say I'm accustomed to it, and to some degree, you'd be right...
Lately though, it's really been getting to me. I just want to be fucking done. I really do. I want to go home to Colorado and just be FUCKING DONE MOVING. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my old homes and I miss my memories. Fuck, I'll just come out and say it; part of the reason I cut(past-tense) myself is because of that! It's part of the reason I still think about cutting... But I made a promise to myself that I would never do it again after the last time. That was back in January... 
January: the worst fucking month of the year. 
The previous month though, December, was pretty bad too. My schools winter dance I heard rumors were going around about me, the new girl, mind you. Oh, and going off-topic real quick, I didn't get to celebrate any part of Halloween last year. Yeah.
Back to December though, all through Christmas Break my Grandpa on my moms side was in the hospital... Dying. So, my Christmas I got to spend worrying about whether or not my Grandpa would make it through the night. 
January rolls around, and it just so happens that both of my parents have to leave. My Dad, being a marine about to deploy to Afghanistan, has to go to a month-long training course. And my Mom who I've never been without for this long has to take care of my Grandma a little longer. So, they leave and I'm stuck scared shitless with just my Grandpa on my dads side watching my nine-year old sister and I. January ninth is when everything just started to go horribly, horribly wrong...
My grandpa who was dying finally passed away. Fuck, I'm crying just thinking about him. For me, it was like loosing three people I loved so much... All at once. 
Then, at school, this fucking boy started teasing me about my religion and mocking it. Some of you may know from FooPets or from here, but I have absolutely NO tolerance for that kind of shit, and I have a temper shorter than an ant leg. So you can imagine how that went down... I was pretty close to going to the principals office and getting suspended. Of course, once I got rid of Justin (the kid I almost beat up on multiple occasions), my fucking mid-terms popped up! And then, the next month, my dad announces he's getting deployed at the end of the month, which also happens to be the month I have my CST's. 
Great... 
So, he gets deployed, and I just about fucking loose my mind... The last time my dad was deployed was five years ago. I'm not used to it. Every day I have to leave at least one class to cry my eyes out and I cry myself to sleep at night. I now have a song I cannot listen to without breaking down in tears. "Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift was playing the night before he left, and now, when it plays, I either bawl like crazy or I have to leave the room. 
Moving onto more fun though, a month after my dad leaves, my best friend Arianna sends me a text saying she's going to kill herself. I've heard her talking about it before, and I know that is one of the signs of someone who is suicidal. So, I fucking flip out and call up my mom, telling her to call Arianna's mom and tell her what's going on because I don't have her number. I also call up my grandpa who was with me back in January to console me because I'm about to fucking loose my mind. Everything turns out okay in the end, but I can feel the stress that's been building up for the past six months beginning to take a physical toll on me. I'm tired all the time, I no longer have an appetite at all, I have no energy and my emotions are fucking whacked out. And finally, what really made this whole fuckin' shit-storm have a cherry on top was Tuesday. I'm driving to a friend of the family's with my mom, sister, and dog, Lou. So, to start the great day off, we get up at four in the morning but leave and hour late for a NINE HOUR DRIVE. Two hours into the drive, we get into a lovely car crash! Nobody was hurt, thank God, and our car made it out without a scratch. We're stuck at the crash for another hour and half waiting for the cops and filling out paperwork. Along the way, Lou decided to join the fun and have to fucking seizures in the back! 
Remember earlier when I said I was still in love with my exboyfriend? Well, I am. And it hurts so fucking bad when I think about him... I never even got to say goodbye to him. We broke up sorta during the summer before seventh grade and all through the next school year, my best friend Claudia relaid to me that he now hated me because I broke his heart. Anytime someone said my name he would get all pissy. 
And Claudia... Fuck, I love this girl so much. She's like a sister to me. But I worry so much about her. She called me up three times before telling me she was going to kill herself because her mom was abusing her, her sister was being a bitch, or school drama. Or sometimes all three. 


I think I'm done venting... I feel extremely tired now, but I'm no longer all stressed out or bitchy. Thank you for listening to my fucked up life. Have a great day!